Every time I try to set things right in my life, something just comes around to test me! I usually end up faltering at a point and doubting my ability to see it through. Every time.
I remember my first working experience which wasn’t family. I was working in a factory which was at least an hour and half commute from home everyday. Initially, I was stoked. I was going to gain experience while looking cool in my protective clothing.
I don’t know if I have ever mentioned this, but there is just something about wearing protective boots and a helmet that gets me all excited. I think it makes me look really cool and really smart. But that’s just by the way.
After the first week of working, it began to dawn on me how stressful the whole ordeal was. I mean, it was tiring enough to work a full day on site, but the commute just killed my spirit. I was always tired by the time I got to work, and at the end of the day, I dreaded the traffic home. I was stressed.
In the middle of my second week, I just couldn’t wake up to go to work. I felt sick. Looking back, I think it was more of a psychological thing, than physical. I was tired. I called in and took the day off. The next week, I took another day off.
By the time I was done with the internship, I felt a bit guilty about all the times I took a day off. At the same time, I wondered how I would’ve survived if I didn’t take those breaks. Then I started wondering how I would survive working full time if I couldn’t even endure my internship. To say that I was scared of the impending future of being a career woman is an understatement.
This past year, before COVID happened and I became jobless, I was working full-time. The commute was long (again), the work was demanding and the environment had its own set of challenges. However, I went to work everyday and on time. I paced myself and tried to take breaks in between work by walking around or saying hi to a colleague. I tried to meet some targets before their deadlines so I had a little free time every once in a while. I also learned to depend on my colleagues instead of doing everything by myself.
Now, I don’t dread working fulltime as much as I did. I have learned that instead of beating myself down when I falter, I can be kinder to myself. I can choose to look at how much I have accomplished and talk myself up. I can choose to keep moving forward anyway. Plus, whenever I feel all hope is lost, I try to remind myself of Who/Where my help [and strength] comes from – the Author and Finisher of my faith – The Lord, God Almighty and the Most Beautiful (my new favourite way to describe Him 😄 ).
I doubt I am the only one who feels like giving up when I make [big] mistakes, especially when I’m supposed to ‘know better’. So I’d like to tell you, well and me too because I forget sometimes, that it is okay. We must not allow the past to rob us of our future. If we’re still alive and breathing, then it’s not over. We can do this. We will get past this.
Nana Agyeiwaa Nyameba