This is my last post in 2020. I don’t know how I feel about it.
On one hand, I am excited. I had no idea what this year had in store for me when it started. For the first time in my life, I had no plans, no goals, no theories… nothing. I was flying blind. On the other hand, I am a little scared. This year has taken so much from me, I don’t know what I’d do if the next one looks even remotely like this one.
Baby steps, my child
To you it may be nothing but
You make Daddy proudReal Thing – Maverick City Music
This year, I appreciated my family. I finally saw them as the flawed beings they are instead of the flawless ones whose approval I constantly sought. I even made peace with the fact that our relationship might always be complicated but at least we have a bond.
This year, I was intentional about relationships, but not in the way I usually am. Instead of always trying to say the right thing, or do the right thing, I just… lived. Sometimes I spoke, other times I didn’t. I did not rush to fix things or be on anyone’s good side. I just tried to be kind to everyone and hope for the best.
This year, I didn’t push myself to learn something when I felt it wasn’t right for me. I accepted the fact that I don’t have to know it all. And that too is okay.
This year, I became an active member of my church. Not because someone wanted me to, or because my family was doing it… it was personal. Now, I have a group of lady-friends who lift me up when I am at my lowest and support me when I don’t even want to support myself. They are Christian but they aren’t perfect, and they allow me to be my not-so-perfect self too.
This year, I found love in the weirdest places. I’m still reeling from that one.
I am not a big fan of New Year resolutions. I feel like I would be able to actually accomplish stuff if I didn’t make such a big deal out of them. Due to this, I have no resolutions to share.
However, if this year has taught me anything, it is that if I am honest and true to myself about what I want, I am already half-way there. I don’t know about you, but I always find it a bit difficult to acknowledge (even to myself) that I want something. I feel like wanting anything sets me up for disappointment so I would rather just exist and hope that good things find me wherever I am. I have no idea why it has taken me this long to realise how sad that is.
If nothing at all, I hope that you want something in the coming year. I pray that you don’t want it because it is the right thing, or it’s what everyone wants for you… I hope you want it for you. I also pray that you admit it and even write it down. I hope that you don’t carried away and start fantasising. I pray you remain true to yourself and who you are. And most of all, I pray that you walk towards it. With confidence. Knowing that you deserve nice things too.
There are so many people I would like to thank this year.
First, I would like to thank God for really coming through for me this year. I don’t know how I would have gone through this year without you and your awesomeness.
Your weakness is only my strength
I hear your questions I am closer than you think
I promiseReal Thing – Maverick City Music
Second, Kay, the hater, for always reminding me that I deserve nice things. Your words, your deeds, your time… without realising it, brought a certain light into my life.
Third, my Monday night prayer team especially Adri, you ladies are the best thing a girl could have in her life. I was so sceptical at first about joining a prayer team because I get shy when I have to pray in front of others, but you ladies feel like home. I am so blessed to have found you.
Next, my family. You guys put up with all the shades of me and still find some space left to love me. I love you guys!
To the softest bum… full stop.
And finally, to you. You, wonderful reader, you. I am truly grateful for your life. Reading, liking, commenting, sharing… I cannot begin to express how these things always make my day. Thank you so so much.
I don’t know what the future holds (or even if there is a future), but what I do know is that there is always a silver lining. If you aren’t looking at it, then you are about to. Hang in there.
Happy (almost) New Year! I hope we meet again.
Nana Agyeiwaa Nyameba
P. S. This last song I am sharing with you has seen me through some rough patches this past few months. I hope that you find comfort in it like I have. Real Thing (feat Dante Bowe) – Maverick City Music… enjoy! xoxo
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