This is my last post in 2020. I don’t know how I feel about it.

On one hand, I am excited. I had no idea what this year had in store for me when it started. For the first time in my life, I had no plans, no goals, no theories… nothing. I was flying blind. On the other hand, I am a little scared. This year has taken so much from me, I don’t know what I’d do if the next one looks even remotely like this one.

Baby steps, my child

To you it may be nothing but

You make Daddy proud

Real Thing – Maverick City Music

This year, I appreciated my family. I finally saw them as the flawed beings they are instead of the flawless ones whose approval I constantly sought. I even made peace with the fact that our relationship might always be complicated but at least we have a bond.

This year, I was intentional about relationships, but not in the way I usually am. Instead of always trying to say the right thing, or do the right thing, I just… lived. Sometimes I spoke, other times I didn’t. I did not rush to fix things or be on anyone’s good side. I just tried to be kind to everyone and hope for the best.

This year, I didn’t push myself to learn something when I felt it wasn’t right for me. I accepted the fact that I don’t have to know it all. And that too is okay.

This year, I became an active member of my church. Not because someone wanted me to, or because my family was doing it… it was personal. Now, I have a group of lady-friends who lift me up when I am at my lowest and support me when I don’t even want to support myself. They are Christian but they aren’t perfect, and they allow me to be my not-so-perfect self too.

This year, I found love in the weirdest places. I’m still reeling from that one.

I am not a big fan of New Year resolutions. I feel like I would be able to actually accomplish stuff if I didn’t make such a big deal out of them. Due to this, I have no resolutions to share.

However, if this year has taught me anything, it is that if I am honest and true to myself about what I want, I am already half-way there. I don’t know about you, but I always find it a bit difficult to acknowledge (even to myself) that I want something. I feel like wanting anything sets me up for disappointment so I would rather just exist and hope that good things find me wherever I am. I have no idea why it has taken me this long to realise how sad that is.

If nothing at all, I hope that you want something in the coming year. I pray that you don’t want it because it is the right thing, or it’s what everyone wants for you… I hope you want it for you. I also pray that you admit it and even write it down. I hope that you don’t carried away and start fantasising. I pray you remain true to yourself and who you are. And most of all, I pray that you walk towards it. With confidence. Knowing that you deserve nice things too.

There are so many people I would like to thank this year.

First, I would like to thank God for really coming through for me this year. I don’t know how I would have gone through this year without you and your awesomeness.

Your weakness is only my strength

I hear your questions I am closer than you think

I promise

Real Thing – Maverick City Music

Second, Kay, the hater, for always reminding me that I deserve nice things. Your words, your deeds, your time… without realising it, brought a certain light into my life.

Third, my Monday night prayer team especially Adri, you ladies are the best thing a girl could have in her life. I was so sceptical at first about joining a prayer team because I get shy when I have to pray in front of others, but you ladies feel like home. I am so blessed to have found you.

Next, my family. You guys put up with all the shades of me and still find some space left to love me. I love you guys!

To the softest bum… full stop.

And finally, to you. You, wonderful reader, you. I am truly grateful for your life. Reading, liking, commenting, sharing… I cannot begin to express how these things always make my day. Thank you so so much.

I don’t know what the future holds (or even if there is a future), but what I do know is that there is always a silver lining. If you aren’t looking at it, then you are about to. Hang in there.

Happy (almost) New Year! I hope we meet again.

Nana Agyeiwaa Nyameba

P. S. This last song I am sharing with you has seen me through some rough patches this past few months. I hope that you find comfort in it like I have. Real Thing (feat Dante Bowe) – Maverick City Music… enjoy! xoxo