I sit at the edge of my seat. waiting. waiting for a call that’s never going to come through. a message that is never going to pop up. waiting. hopeful. for something. someone. that isn’t coming.
i walk on a busy street. wondering where they are all going. not realising, that I too, am walking on the street. i just keep wondering. wandering. hoping that the farther i go, the closer i will be to a revelation.
i wake up one morning and realise, my life doesn’t feel right. the colours are dull. the taste of food, not as exciting. the things i used to look forward to, don’t quite mean much to me anymore.
i scroll through apps with blatant apathy. with a certain numbness that i haven’t felt in ages. i wonder when the change happened. when i lost the life in me. i pray, i smile, but nothing feels the same.
depression. apparently, depression comes in different shades of different colours, at different times with different reasons. sometimes, without reason. i wonder when that happened.
music. thank God for music. thank God for words that are entirely mine coming out of the lips of someone that isn’t me. thank God for the expression i need when i can’t afford to rely on me.
joyful. that is all i am learning to be. to find joy in the present time. to embrace all that is positive. to acknowledge the negative but somehow, not yield to it. to remember the good. the positive. and how that matters too.
Nana Agyeiwaa Nyameba