I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, then all at once.
– Hazel Grace Lancaster (The Fault in Our Stars)

I wanted that.
What she had.
The love that happens to you against your will.
The blind faith in another flawed being against your will
Because no other option makes sense to you anymore.
And even if it did make sense, it wouldn’t feel right to not pursue it.

I wanted that.
What she had.
The love that creeps up on you.
And despite scaring the life out of you, it feels… safe.
Like the first breath after almost drowning.
Life-giving.

I wanted that.
What she had.
The love that makes you laugh till your tummy hurts but also makes you feel all warm inside.
Like your best-friend and your crush merged into one person and
They are so hopelessly in love with you,
You wish you could see through their eyes so you could love you like they do too.

I wanted that.
What she had.
That written in the stars kinda love.

Instead, I got mine.
The beauty in the pain kinda love.
The one that hurts for thirty days and feels almost alright on the thirty-first day.
The ride or die without the ride part kinda love.

I did not want that.
But it’s what I had anyway.

– Nyameba