Pain, discomfort, sorrow, depression, anxiety, insecurities… These are not new to me. I just assumed they were in the past. Forgotten. Outgrown. So when one after the other, they showed up at my door, I was confused.
“Is this a visit? How long are you staying this time? I am free till the end of September but then you have to go after. I have a life now. I have people who are counting on my sanity now.”
I thought I could reason with them. I thought they would listen. I figured our history allowed a certain level of civility. I assumed diplomacy would work. It didn’t. They confused my kindness for weakness. That was a mistake.
Truth is, the first mistake was when I assumed that it was okay to allow them to visit. I guess the Lord needed to teach me a practical lesson in self-worth; in knowing [and understanding] WHO I am and WHOSE I am. Because once you’re aware of your worth, you really won’t allow anything, or anyone into your life and allow them to treat you with anything less than respect and love.
Sorry, me*. You probably can’t relate. Lucky you!
So yeah. I had to let them understand that I was no longer the person they used to know. It’s not because I did anything differently. I just understand that I am worth a lot more than they have been trying to make me believe. And I am worthy of love.
It’s been a long battle. At a point, I found out that I was trying to convince myself more than I was trying to convince them to leave. I had started feeding into their lies. I was falling back into my old self.
Well, thank God for God!
It’s a funny statement, but it’s my new favourite statement. Thank God for God. For if it wasn’t for the Lord who was on my side… If it wasn’t for the One who is never petty… If it wasn’t for He who knows me better than I know myself and decided to never give up on me regardless of my life choices…
If it wasn’t for God… I-
Thank God for God!
Nana Agyeiwaa Nyameba
P. S. Fave song this week is To You by Maverick City. I am falling in love with Maverick City one song at a time. They are just the community I need in my life right now. You can click here and find out!💜 (What are you listening to this week? Care to share?)